you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
