I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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