I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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