I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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