I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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