Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
