New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I could fuck to npr.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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