Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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