On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
