tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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