Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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