Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
