I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
