u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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