I cannot find my penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
