New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
