Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
