She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
