God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
