so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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