what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
