About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
