i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
bring money and cleavage
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
