Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
