My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize