its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
