: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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