Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He felt like a one man threesome
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize