So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
