So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
