I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
