Can Purell be used as lube?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
