Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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