Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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