today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
