he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
id be glad to
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
