Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
