I cockslap morals
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
