Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Enjoy the penises
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
