Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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