You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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