at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
