I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
