I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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