he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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