The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
