Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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