I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
