Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
