Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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