I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
