420 ftw
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
