have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
