Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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