Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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