I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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