My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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