ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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