What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
