just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize