Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
