just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
