Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
