I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
