His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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