The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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