I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
