3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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