i wish peter jackson would direct porn
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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