No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
