just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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